As some of you may know I lost my first baby last July and it was by far the biggest hurt I have ever felt.  For the first few months I denied myself to even think about it I was completely disassociated with the memory and the pain.  Even now eight months later I have tears running down my face as I write this post, but I can finally write about it.
I had so many mixed feelings and emotions, I would compare everything to the hurt of the lost of a child, but most importantly for the first time I really believed my mother.  That nothing and no one ever replaces a lost child.  See I had a sister that was a year older then me, but she died a week after she was born.  Her name was Celia just like my mother…not like me.  This I finally realized on July 11, 2008, her name was not mine it was my mothers and I had the honor to share it with her.  I did not replace her, I was not the substitute child, I was not filling in for her.  I was wrong for so many years that was a replacement child, a feeling that I alone gave me permission to feel.  Nor my parents nor my siblings ever refer to it in any way, as a matter of fact I never knew I had a sister until I was about 5 or 6 years old.  But my error was to ask what her name was and to assume that I replaced her just because we shared the same name. 

So even thou our baby girl was just 15 weeks old, she will never be forgotten or replaced in our harts.